The art of forgiving – 6 steps to achieve forgiveness

Forgiveness. It’s such a simple word for something so powerful and life changing. I accepted recently that my life was stuck because I was actively choosing not to forgive someone, and looking at it now I can’t work out why I would choose not to forgive. Why punish myself by being stuck and dare I say it? Resentful.

When I put together my 6 week programme for helping children through the emotional ups and downs of life, my sole intention was to help my daughter. To think that that would be the only outcome was a little naive. We can’t help our children without helping ourselves and becoming the behaviour we wish for them to adopt. Life is no longer like that. I also smile to myself that I thought I’d be able to work with some of life’s most naturally powerful gifts such as crystals, meditation, gratitude, EFT and yoga and expect my life not to be changed for the better. No chance; spirit was watching and waiting for the opportunity for me to grow.

Following my separation and subsequent divorce I never truly appreciated the degree of resentment I was holding on to. Feeling like I was emotionally under attack for the 18 months following our separation I didn’t have the time or the energy to even consider how I was feeling. I was too busy defending myself and my decision to leave my relationship of 19 years. But you can’t permanently live in an environment where you’re in fight or flight mode; there comes a time when you have to accept that you have no control over another person’s actions and that you must take responsibility for your own feelings, reactions and ultimately your actions.

Enter forgiveness. Whilst looking through Facebook one day I came across this:


These words are harsher than I would normally use and the words hate and obsolete don’t sit well but I saw how much these words seemed to resonate with people. It’s also true that by forgiving someone we stop allowing them to have any power over us. If we want to find peace in our lives we have to forgive. This is not the same as condoning a person’s behaviour or forgetting what they did or indeed what we did, but rather that we accept the past and choose to let it go and live within the now.

That all sounds very easy if you say it quick enough, but how do we actually achieve it? Here are my top 6 steps to achieving forgiveness through self-love, meditation, affirmations and crystals.

  1. Understand that you can never be happy if you continue to think and feel unforgiving thoughts. It really doesn’t matter how justified you feel in feeling these thoughts (whether they be anger, resentment, bitterness, sadness or so on). As long as you continue to think and feel this way joy, happiness and contentment with your life will pass you by.
  1. Remember that forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person. The process of forgiveness occurs inside of you and affects you only; you are releasing yourself from the past and the pain you associate with it. You are energetically breaking the connection to the events that caused the pain.
  1. Move away from blaming other people for your feelings. Accept your feelings and own them; take responsibility for them and seek the lessons that they are trying to teach you. Stop looking for the rights and wrongs of a situation and choose to be kind instead of right.
  1. Send love to the other person. In the words of the late Wayne Dyer

“I urge you to send love in place of those judgements and criticisms to others when you feel they impede your joy and happiness and hold them in that place of love. Notice that if you stay steadfast, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

  1. Forgive yourself of anything you feel that you may or may not have done. Don’t blame yourself, just accept the past, love yourself and come fully into the present moment.
  1. Use my Citrine and Rhodochrosite meditation to help you achieve forgiveness

Forgiveness isn’t always easy but it’s the best way and permanent way of setting yourself free. 


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