In Week 2 of our programme we build upon Week 1 by choosing and using crystals for general use and teaching our children how to meditate.
As week 2 of the programme progressed I have to admit that doubt crept in. What if this didn’t work, what would I do? Would I lose my daughter, would she prefer to live full-time with her dad? I kept repeating the affirmation from week 1 of the programme to myself. But, that’s the thing with affirmations, they don’t always work immediately. There’s a school of thought that suggests you need to do something for 21 consecutive days before it becomes a habit and part of who you are. So I continued repeating my mantra to myself whilst holding the vision of a healthy relationship with my daughter.
The one fear that was hardest to fight was the she would no longer want to live with me. So, to stop this fear from controlling me I kept reminding myself of something that Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in her book ‘Big Magic’ where she has a conversation with fear. It’s long but worth quoting in full:
“Dearest Fear, Creativity and I are about to go on a road trip together. I understand you’ll be joining us, because you always do. Apparently your job is to induce panic whenever I’m about to do anything interesting – and, may I say, you are superb at your job. But understand this: Creativity and I are the only ones who will be making any decisions along the way. I recognise and respect that you are part of this family, and so I will never exclude you from our activities, but your suggestions will never be followed. You’re allowed to have a seat, and you’re allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a vote. You’re not allowed to touch the road maps or suggest detours; you’re not allowed to fiddle with the temperature. Dude, you’re not even allowed to touch the radio. But above all else, you are absolutely forbidden to drive.”
This resonated deeply with me when it came to developing this programme to help my daughter.
The one thing that has surprised many, including the mediator that myself and my ex saw on a number of occasions last year, is that despite our personal disagreements and tensions, we have managed with relative ease, to reach agreement over our child arrangements. The children spend an equal amount of time with both of us and we work with a two-week rota that ensures that as parents we do not miss out on any of the activities that the children participate in. My daughter helped devise this rota and so far it appears to be largely working for all of us.
There were implications for this programme however due to the 50-50 arrangement my ex and I have with the children. Essentially my daughter is only with me 3 or 4 times in any given week. What this means for you is that even if you follow this programme only 3 times per week you are highly likely to see very positive results like myself and my daughter have. Furthermore, I want this programme to be flexible; we all live busy lives and the last thing I want is for this experience to become stressful for you and your child or just one more thing you have to find the time to squeeze in.
Furthermore, in an ideal world you would be able to follow this programme jointly with your ex-partner and you could both use the tools and techniques with your child. However, most of us don’t live in an ideal world after we experience divorce or separation. Again, if you find yourself in this situation don’t worry about it for unless your child is actively being told that what they are doing is wrong or silly or that it won’t work, there will be no negative impact.
On to week 2 of the programme
For week 2, following on from the previous week, the first steps are to energetically cleanse your child’s room and cleanse the crystals that made up your child’s grid. Once the crystals are cleansed then you should re-create the grid on top of their mattress or underneath their bed. If you need to recap on how to do this please refer to Week 1 of the programme. After you have done this you may follow the newly added steps for this week which are described below:
Step 1 – Choosing Crystals
At the end of the 1st week I’d introduced Blue Chalcedony into the programme to help my daughter when she was finding it difficult to vocalise what was happening and how she was feeling. The results from this crystal were amazing and it really worked for her. By the end of Week 2 she had voluntarily opened up to what was troubling her. Before I go into this in more detail I want to let you know that as part of this programme you do not have to use Blue Chalcedony, although you can if you wish.
We are all different and all have different issues that need addressing and therefore it is reasonable to accept that we all may require different crystals, or indeed the same crystals but at different stages of the programme. In short, by all means use the crystals that I recommend but do not be afraid to use different crystals if you or your child are intuitively guided to do so.
I understand that for one reason or another you may not be comfortable or have the confidence to choose a crystal without a little guidance so if you would like to know the different ways in which you can do so you can read my post on ‘How to choose crystals’. If on the other hand you would prefer to know some crystals that are very useful for children and the feelings they may experience following divorce or separation please see below:
- Anger – Blue Lace Agate
- Fear – Pink Calcite (Mangano Calcite)
- Anxiety & Worry – Kunzite
- Denial – Rhodochrosite
- Adandonment – Sunstone
- Depression – Green Moss Agate
- Blame & Guilt – Chrysocolla
Once you and your child have chosen your crystal(s) let your child decide how they would like to use it. Options will depend upon your child’s age but could include keeping it in their pockets and carrying it around with them, sleeping with it under their pillow, or holding it in their hand as they fall asleep (my daughter’s favourite). Other options can be found in my post ‘How to use crystals’.
Step 2 – Meditation
Meditation is a great technique to teach your child as they will benefit not only in their childhood but into adulthood too. It helps them to soothe their anxieties and worries, brings peace and helps them to find balance. The trick with meditation and children is to start off short and simple. Experts often recommend that you start with 1 minute of meditation per year of age; so an 8-year-old child would start meditating for 8 minutes. Don’t feel you have to stick to this as a hard and fast rule though. Although I strongly advocate starting simple and short, if your 8 year-old can’t or doesn’t want to do 8 minutes, so be it. Don’t turn meditation into a stressful activity. My 8 year-old started with 3 minutes of meditation and we are gradually building this up throughout the programme. It’s a game of trial and error to find what suits your child.
Another important element of meditation is to practice what you are teaching them. Our role as parents is not just to teach our children but also to learn from them and with them. This is especially the case with meditation. So, as you guide your child through the steps below and you ask your child to notice their breath or how their body feels, make sure you do the same too. Notice what comes up for you; you may just be surprised. Teaching meditation to your child is a very valuable experience for all.
- Make sure that yourself and your child are sat or laid comfortably.
- Ask them to close their eyes gently. If they don’t want to do this don’t worry about it and don’t make a fuss. Instead try and give them something to look at and focus upon.
- Ask your child to notice their breathing. Your approach to this will depend upon the age of your child and their understanding. You could ask them to notice the rise and fall of their chest and stomach or if they are younger you could ask them to place their hands on either their chest or stomach so they can feel the rise and fall of their body.
- Sit or lay quietly together for your decided amount of time. My daughter initially struggled with this and could not stay focused. As a result she chose 2 further crystals to use during meditation. Once she had chosen them she placed 1 in each hand and every time her attention drifted she focused upon the crystals in her hand. As she breathed in she would say to herself “I am peaceful” and as she exhaled she would say to herself “I am calm”. The crystals that my daughter chose were Selenite and Rose Quartz.
- After you have finished your meditation sit together and if your child wishes, talk about how they found it and if there is anything that they would like to share.
What Happened During the 2nd Week?
By the end of Week 2 my daughter was a lot calmer. I mentioned earlier that the Blue Chalcedony (which I’d chosen intuitively for her) had really helped her open up and talk about her concerns. The admission that my daughter made although taking me initially by surprise made me realise that deep down she was simply confirming what I already suspected.
In my 1st post I mentioned that 16 months after I’d separated from my ex he suffered an episode of depression. The 50-50 arrangement we had in place for the care of our children continued as my ex reassured me that he was still able to, and still wanted to, continue with our current arrangements. One thing that I have learned is that you have to trust the judgement of your ex regardless of the state of your relationship with them. It goes without saying but the children and their needs must always come first. A good friend told me back in August 2014 that one of the hardest things about divorce with children is accepting that when the children are with your ex you have no control, and unless they are doing something harmful, you have no right to control what happens. Although I didn’t feel that anyone was being harmed in any way, it was clear that the children were affected by what was happening. They were a little more subdued and my daughter quickly assumed the role of caring for Daddy; which, as thoughtful as it is, it put a lot of inappropriate and unnecessary pressure on her. In terms of her behaviour however, there was no indication of what was to come.
I was surprised therefore that at the time when my ex was no longer experiencing depression, my daughter’s behaviour took a turn for the worse. Over an hour or so whilst colouring in (more on the therapeutic benefits of this in a later post) she opened her heart about why she behaved differently with me than when she was with her Dad. She explained that she didn’t feel able to be herself for fear of doing something that might make him sad again; so she behaved perfectly. With me she felt comfortable to let all of her pent-up emotions and frustrations out. It suddenly made perfect sense.
For me this week came as a massive relief. I at last knew what we were dealing with and I knew we could get through it. Importantly, although there was plenty of work to be done, it felt like we were on the right track.
Please Note: the information contained in this blog is not a substitute for appropriate medical care. Should you or your child have a medical condition you are advised to contact your GP or other appropriately trained health professional.